The Spire of Oblivion: A Prison Break Story
by McCarver
Summary: GUNS! BEER! STRIPPERS! Good, I have your attention. This story will shake the foundations of the Earth! Follow our mysterious hero as he breaks into Oblivion, the most treacherous Covenant prison in all of the universe!


Desolation…blistering sand...death…yes, it was shaping up to be a beautiful day in the Iwouldabeenyadaddy Desert. The 37 suns of planet Alpha Pussy Pounder Omega XXX were climbing in the sky as the sleepy eyed populace started their morning routine. A tiny, endangered Snuggiewuggie bunny pops its head from its underground den in search of food for its newborn only to instantly incinerate in a ball of fire leaving behind charred remains to be scattered by the wind. Indeed, it was another day in paradise but among the endless ocean of sun-scorched sand towered the commanding presence of Oblivion, the most notorious and feared Covenant prison in the entire universe. Razor-sharp, space titanium reinforced plated towers expanded from every direction with an enormous, impenetrable wall that surrounded the base of the terrifying structure. In the middle of the prison ascended the spire of Oblivion, which housed the detestable warden, as it stretched over a mile into the blood coated sky. Oblivion has seen horrible characters of all sorts and each one has experienced a similar fate. Sure, it can be said that no prisoner, Covenant or human, has ever escaped from the ever watchful eye of the Neo-Nazi-Alien-Battle Guard Battalion but today, there isn't going to be somebody breaking OUT of prison. Nah , that ain't his style. He is going to do this his way and that means going balls to the wall...

At the top of the Spire of Oblivion stood a duo of two Grunts. One held a pair of ultra-vision-magnifier-space binoculars and the other a cup of Covenant Ramen noodles. Following their course of study at North High Charity Community College, they both must serve a semester internship at the Spire in order to complete their major in Criminal Justice.

"It's too bloody hot today," said Stinson, the fatter of the two Grunts.

"That's what your mom said last night!" quickly retorted Florence, the douchebag of the two Grunts.

"Seriously, that is getting a little old," sighed Stinson. "You say that after everything I say. How about you give it a rest?" Stinson was a scholar, a genius, perhaps the greatest mind of his generation and he always kept a cool mentality when it came to negotiating with others.

"So you are getting sore of it then?" inquired Florence as he drank the last bit of noodle juice from his styrofoam cup.

"Yes Florence," huffed Stinson as he held up his binoculars and starred into the eternal desert of sand. "I am getting sore of it."

"THAT'S WHAT YOUR MOM SAID LAST NIGHT!" shouted Florence hysterically as he threw his cup off of the Spire.

"I don't even know why I put up with this shi…wait…what is that?"

"What is what?" inquired Florence.

"Over there!" pointed Stinson. "Don't you see that dust cloud coming over that hill?"

"Of course I can! I mean, I have super seeing X-ray vision and can see from miles away!" remarked Florence as he grabbed the binoculars from Stinson's hands.

He starred into the lenses of the binoculars, squinting his eyes to confirm what exactly was in the distance.

"Dude, it is nothing," said Florence coolly. "It's just a dust storm. You always worry about everything anyways."

"I do not!" screamed Stinson as he reached his breaking point. "I, unlike you, DO my job. If it wasn't for my Uncle Blargh, YOU wouldn't even be here. So don't point your finger at me prick!" Stinson stood for a few seconds catching his breath as Florence stood in astonishment.

"Now if you don't mind, I have a job to do." With that, Stinson started to walk towards the communication relay to pass what he had seen to Spire Command.

"THAT'S WHAT YOUR MOM SAID LAST NIGHT!" shouted Florence from behind Stinson.

"OKAY, YOU'RE DEAD!" screamed Stinson as he pulled out two plasma grenades, activated them, and ran towards Florence wildly.

"BRING IT PUSS…" Florence could not finish his sentence because he had the misfortune of having a .50 caliber bullet go through his cranium. His body stood for a few seconds before he tumbled backwards and fell off the Spire. Stinson stood in horror as he looked out into the desert. It was no dust storm that he saw but a trail of dust instead.

"No," squealed Stinson in fear. "It...it can't be HIM!" Stinson ran towards the comm. link. Every second when the phone rang seemed like an hour until somebody finally answered.

"WORT WORT WORT! BLARGH BARGABLLE WORT WORT!" The Spire's Master of the Guard was not pleased at all of the nature of this phone call.

"Sir, he is almost here!" cried the frightened Grunt. "Send help right awa…" Another shot rang out in the distance as a bullet went through the back of Stinson's throat. His brains, which over 300,000 Covenant currency units were invested in, were splattered all over the observation platform's floor. At that moment, the two plasma grenades exploded. Also, Stinson's girlfriend just texted him saying that she has been cheating on him with Jerry "Jungle Fever" Jackal for the past two months.

The Master of the Guard dropped his iPhone as he looked out his office window and witnessed with his own two…well, I think they're eyes…at the horrifying sight that was charging towards the prison. Stumbling over his office chair, he quickly made for the emergency button that sat on his desk. The giant red button stared at him with a menacingly look. Balling his hand into a fist, the Elite shattered the glass case surrounding the button as the alarm started to sound. "Maybe the glass case wasn't such a good idea," thought the Elite as he lifted his bloody hand toward his chest. The ominous siren rang through the corridors of the prison as guards scattered in every direction to prepared for the onslaught. It was only a matter of time before they would meet in battle with….him. And maybe we can get some damn action soon or I am going to stop narrating this shi…


End file.
